It’s hard to believe it’s been a little over a week since Robin Williams’ death. For anyone that hasn’t heard the news he was struggling with severe depression which I consider a crippling mental illness even with all the various treatments available.
I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember but never even thought about getting help until I was in my 20’s. I have no idea why I waited so long. It could’ve been because I was so busy with school it never crossed my mind or because I thought this was how I was supposed to feel. The important thing is that I finally got the help I needed, but it took a suicide attempt and a call to a friend informing her of such before I realized I needed help ASAP.
I’ve been in counseling and on medication for 10+ years. Does it help? I can honestly say that depends on the situation. For 2 ½ years I worked at a job that caused me so much stress I remember leaving a message for my counselor telling her I was contemplating suicide. The service asked if they should contact her but I don’t remember my answer. I do remember when I finally found the job I’ve had and loved for the last six years.
Most of my depression is caused by things going on at home. When I shared this with my psychiatrist he told me I needed to call my best friend and ask them if they wanted to get together for a night out. While I like to think I have a lot of friends I also think it’s not fair to ask them to hang out just so I can spend the evening whining about my problems when I know many others that have it much worse than I. And I was too embarrassed to tell him I don’t have a best friend.
I thought things had gotten better but then I discovered I was looking at everything with rose-colored glasses which has caused me to think about how much I want it all to go away and I don’t care what it takes to make it happen,